Clementine's Birth Story Part II:

I've been trying to write this for a very long time. I want to, but I can't. I've finally just realized that I'm not ready. For now, this story will only see the light of my journal, if I decide to start keeping one. I still don't know how I feel about the experience and I think it's possible that I just need time to make sense of it all.

Sorry.

On a happier not, I love being a mother. I have found so much joy in holding my baby, making her smile and watching her grow. She is delightful. Having her in my life makes anything I went through getting her here inconsequential. I know, cliche, cliche. But truly, I'm so grateful to be her mom and feel very blessed.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

From far away South Korea, we raise a toast to you, to another year of your life, and to one sweet summer that we are excited to kick off soon.

This photo does not really fit the occasion, but it's a cute one and hopefully serves as a reminder that there is a little girl over here who is so excited to meet her grandpa.

Someone loves her new quilt!

This baby and this combination of festive fabrics took to one another instantly. I'm quite sure that Clementine felt her Granny's love. It was spoken through each hand-stitch.

Today we are thinking about grandmothers that we love. Happy Granny's Day!

Guess whose dad got her dressed today?

"Well, I know that black and white and red always go together, so..."

It seems that the little girl had a similar reaction to her mama's.

Whose that super lame blogger in my teepee?

It's me. It's me.

So, I'm not meeting my goals with this thing frequency-wise but I'm not done trying. This video does not make up for it (or even come close) but I'm posting it anyway. Please forgive the baby talk. I didn't realize...

This girl I know...

It's best to say that she bounded in to our lives because her entrance was not subtle. At an age where apathy ran rampant, she walked into this little tiny town and decided to mix things up. She loved more than she liked. She was quick to see the good, especially in people. She had this vivacious magnetism that drew people in from regional proportions. Everyone wanted to be her friend.

How did I get to be so lucky? There was only one reason because in every other direction, we were very different. I was quite a bit older in high school years. She was sportier, way sportier. But in common were testimonies of the gospel and active living of them. Church on Sundays, Young Womens on Wednesdays and seminary every Monday through Friday morning brought us full circle in one another's lives and I soon counted myself as one of the fortunate few to really know her.

And to that extent, I still do. How did she become more than another facebook friend from the past? My brother had the good sense to put a ring on it, and now I'm her lucky sister.

Three pictures that were never taken but should have been:

#1 - She and I are standing in front of a bathroom mirror, taking the picture with a camera between us. We are wearing matching deep sea green pants and equally vivid tops. She is holding a bottle of cleaner and I am waving my cleaning cloth. It's summertime and hot. Our hair is pulled back with loose strands coming forward and framing our faces. We just finished our shift and are remarkably still smiling. I stand by the fact that cleaning the Comfort Inn was the worst job in the world, but doing it together made it almost worth it.

#2 - She and I are lying under the stars. We've just been inspired by the story of some dude. Was he a high school student? A missionary? I don't remember. But I can say that his name was Kent Williams and that as we talked, we planned our lives to unfold like his, even to the point where we started calling each other Kentessa. The photo is taken from above and our faces fill the frame. Our expressions are created by ideas of big plans for the future and feelings of solidarity.

#3 - We are on a hill. It is evening and in the distance behind us a man stands with his guitar. We are waving our cell phones and are frozen in the image mid-sway. In this moment we are almost perfectly content. The one thing preventing ultimate tranquility is the missing presence of a husband/brother, somewhere in Iraq. A man to our right again yells out what will become almost an anthem for us in the future. How sweet it is.

Her character has enhanced my life in so many ways. She has an artistic perspective that is buoyed up by vibrant colors that I love. She has created and is raising-well two of my favorite people on the Earth. She makes my brother happy and I'm so grateful to have this girl in my life.

Happy Birthday Kassidi. I love you.

One thing I've learned...

This morning, Clementine was upset. I didn't know how to help her. She is usually only upset when her basic needs are not met. I had just fed her and knew that she was in a clean diaper. I put her in her bouncer and tried to do the dishes but she cried. I wrapped her in a blanket, held her in my arms and rocked with her as I checked my email. She cried even more. Finally, I held her out in front of me and said softly, "Clementine, I don't know what you want." She stopped crying, looked at me, and smiled. "Aha," I realized. "You need to talk!"

I took her over to the sofa, propped her on a pillow and started speaking with her. I told her about her family members that were far away that loved her, even though they hadn't met her yet. She stared into my eyes and smiled from time to time. It was such a sweet moment. Then, finally, as if she were satisfied with the conversation, she closed her eyes and took a nap.

I realized what a fundamental aspect of life communication is. Today, my baby was hungry for it. I often am too, as Jean Marcel will gladly attest. Today it became evident that it was not the words that were important. We just needed to connect and she made it happen.

These pictures are pretty old. I'll post some new ones soon. She's getting so big!